Courage

WARNING: This blog is written by an adult survivor of severe childhood abuse. While specific graphic details are not offered, it is entirely possible that this material may be uncomfortable for some readers. If you have any doubt as to whether this may “trigger” you or make you feel unsafe in any way, please STOP reading and click elsewhere. If, while reading this or at any other time, you find yourself feeling unsafe or contemplating hurting yourself, please IMMEDIATELY contact a crisis line or mental health professional. Please – be safe, and be well.

If you or anyone you know is having a crisis and feeling alone or potentially unsafe, please consider using one of these resources. You'll notice there are organizations around the globe, including LGBT-targeted groups like PFLAG, and groups for survivors of different kinds of violence.

Here's a link to a list of resources.

Please know that I care, and many people in your life care. It's a sign of true strength to reach out if you're hurting; people want to offer their support. You are NOT alone.


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"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." - Maya Angelou


There is a pervasive myth that children who endured horrific abuse - be it sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, or some combination thereof - inevitably grow up to continue the cycle of abuse by victimizing children once they become old enough to do so.

While there certainly are many individuals who meet these criteria, many other survivors (more than half, I would say, based on years of conversations with other survivors) go on to lead lives in which they use their heightened sensitivity to develop and demonstrate compassion to their friends and family, and to the world at large.

I have found the courage to say "This is what happened to me, and yes, it's more horrible than you can even imagine." Having said that, I refuse to own the shame - it belongs with those that committed the atrocities.

While I do the incredibly hard work of dealing with the newly-recovered memories and flashbacks, I will bend but not break. Even on my toughest days, you'll still find me laughing heartily (and genuinely) at life in general, and often at myself.

I had a powerful dream the other night, one in which I was walking through a military hospital ward. The men and women who serve this country serve with honor and distinction. If they're fortunate enough to come back from overseas, they are changed forever - often physically; always emotionally and spiritually. Their sacrifices and bravery are worthy of deep respect. Although I will never wear a military uniform, I can aspire to such courage as they demonstrate.

I am speaking my truth, and refusing to back down, though this work is the scariest thing I've ever done. But if in so doing I will have helped even ONE person - especially a child who doesn't know where to turn - my courage will have been well worth it, and I'll gladly shed all the tears again.