The Truth Will Set Me Free

(Yes, I know "Luka" is an old song - but its potency remains, even after decades. And it's so very relevant for me, and other survivors of CSA or PA, or especially those of us who endured the potpourri of CSA, PA, EA, PSA, and every damn other "A" that was possible in childhood...)

WARNING: This blog is written by an adult survivor of severe childhood abuse. While specific graphic details are not offered, it is entirely possible that this material may be uncomfortable for some readers. If you have any doubt as to whether this may “trigger” you or make you feel unsafe in any way, please STOP reading and click elsewhere. If, while reading this or at any other time, you find yourself feeling unsafe or contemplating hurting yourself, please IMMEDIATELY contact a crisis line or mental health professional. Please – be safe, and be well.

If you or anyone you know is having a crisis and feeling alone or potentially unsafe, please consider using one of these resources. You'll notice there are organizations around the globe, including LGBT-targeted groups like PFLAG, and groups for survivors of different kinds of violence.

Here's a link to a list of resources.

Please know that I care, and many people in your life care. It's a sign of true strength to reach out if you're hurting; people want to offer their support. You are NOT alone.


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I've been approaching this point, a place of crossroads in my life. I'm faced with a very well-delineated choice about speaking my whole truth, and refusing to be silenced on the most powerful, potentially controversial and even (perhaps) dangerous truth of my situation. Not dangerous to anyone else, mind you, but dangerous for myself.

The idea of speaking this truth publicly scares me so badly that I can barely breathe... And yet I know that until and unless I make that choice, based in courage and free will, my strength will be compromised. I will otherwise spend the rest of my life struggling to contain an explosive truth, one that it's taken everything to contain - at any cost - up to now.

Additionally, I've come to the realization that the resources I've used for decades to contain this information are no longer adequate for the task. Full containment is no longer possible. Thus, I can voluntarily choose to speak my truth, and perhaps help others in the process, or I can wait for the inevitable scenario in which it comes to light in a way for which I'm ill prepared. Clearly, the former choice has merits over the latter.

And so, the decision has been made, and a foundation has been created for the revelation of this truth. Monday, October 9, 2009, you can check either my Twitter page or this blog page for a link to a resource that will illuminate this murky mystery. A few of my close friends on Twitter have already had a chance to review the information, and the feedback thus far has been very positive (though admittedly limited in its scope).

It is my deepest hope that in making this decision, by stepping fully into the light and speaking the truth about my life, my experiences, that perhaps I can assist a few other people who live with similar challenges. If I accomplish that, then it will have been worth it, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

I plan to spend the weekend in quiet contemplation, as much as possible, though Saturday afternoon my spouse and I are going to see Lord Of the Dance for a matinee performance. I choose to see the performance as rather like a celebration - of many things, perhaps. But chiefly among them are my strength, my courage, and my willingness to admit that I am moving forward not because I feel no fear, but that I am moving forward in spite of it.

Blessings to each and every one of you.

Jo